Sometimes when you feel like dying, you still put on the face and pretend everything is fine. You hate the world, and hate yourself for hating the world. The whole process of medical intervention and self-medication is done to eliminate the horrible thoughts within.
It doesn’t work, though.
The only thing I have found reliably to work is finding purpose again. To find it, you have to do a lot of stuff that looks more like fun. Hanging out with dogs, hiking, plant medicines, skiing, horses, climbing, fishing, growing, sports, whatever works for you, but most importantly starting to be with people again, and relaxing, finding moments of flow when you’re happy to be alive again. Most people with trauma have lost the ability to have fun, it’s important to find it again. Learn to feel. Learn to live. Learn to give. Learn to hope. Learn to love again.
Find your truth, and chase it with all you are, and all you have. Find your heart, and learn to follow it again.
To banish darkness, bring the darkness to light. Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Provide your own light to it.
You can’t fight the darkness.
You can wait for the light
You can look for the light
You can share the light
or you can SHINE.
Stop waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel and go down there into the dark to light it up yourself.
I spent years wrestling demons. Imprisoned them within, and they dominated my every waking moment. The harder I fought them, the more they beat me down. To give them up, to free not just them but me, too…
I had to forgive not just the demons, I had to forgive myself.
I have thanked the universe for my life every day since.